I am pretty well hungover.

Yesterday was my birthday. I went out for the first time in two weeks. I had a blast, but I remember why I haven't been going out.

I am making some promises to myself and to others, and thought that maybe I should put them out in the open to hold myself accountable.

So - here goes nothing:

I promise that I am going to learn to love myself. I have serious self-confidence issues, and it takes over my life at times. I'm working on it. I really am.

I promise that you, Mason Hargett, will always be my number one. I promise this because I love you. I promise to try to quit being such an overemotional female who gets her feelings hurt all the damn time.

I promise to do something great with my life....eventially (maybe I should promise to learn how to spell). In keeping this promise I also promise to stop getting down and out just because I am still waiting tables. I work hard and am responsible. There is nothing bad about that.

I can't stop thinking about my boyfriend. I love him. I love his smell, and his smile, and his laugh, and those ugly shorts that he bought at Savers and wears all the time. I am just pretty much head over heels for this boy.

Wow.

I promise to try not to talk about my awesome boyfriend all the time.

I promise to return Bendy's Nintendo even though she has a WII now and probably doesn't care about a stupid Nintendo.

I promise to be more crafty.

Cross my heart, and hope to die.

man, its hot out.

It's pretty hot, pretty early.

I made my boyfriend tack some curtains over the windows. It looks tacky, but will have to do until I can find exactly the right curtains for our bedroom. I can't believe I am posting things about curtains on a blog.

Anna told me yesterday, "I don't even know you anymore", in a mocking tone of course, but I am acting a bit oddly I think.

I haven't really been doing well with my workout regime. The class I was attending was awesome, but the mental stimulation not so much. So now I am trying to teach myself how to have some self control and get my lazy butt outta bed in the a.m. and get my workout on. If I don't do it early in the morning I won't do it at all. Per today's plan.

My pup weighs 25lbs, and I touched a Zebra. I fed a Zebra. It was pretty awesome.

I moved into a quaint little duplex with this boy I feel in love with last fall, and we are pretty happy. There were a few times where I thought, "this is probably not a good idea", and then I manned up and confronted the situation. I put my big girl pants on, and they fit just fine.

I am working three jobs for many reasons, and I remind myself everyday that I am working myself this hard now so that in a few years I won't have too push myself so hard. I am making a huge dent in the payoff department of my debt and it feels so good!

I am also thinking about taking private French lessons starting in January, but I am not sure still. I feel I need to focus on Spanish.

Also, I watched my boyfriend ice some bros Monday, and it was freaking hilarious!

xx
brit.

women be shopping

It's March 1st, 2010.

And man oh man do I have some lists for you. I haven't been blogging much, and by much I mean since December, because one thing on my list of things accomplished isn't getting my laptop fixed. Actually, I probably never will.

But I really really wanna give you a list of things that I have done:

1. Graduate School - I have decided that I will not be going to UALR for Graduate school, or for any other schooling for that matter. I have entered into my "professional" life with absolutely no idea what is going on. Thank goodness I have some friends that are here to help guide me.

Also, regarding graduate school - I am probably not going to follow up on either of my bacherlor's degrees. I have been having a huge ethical dilemna regarding my anthropology studies. I am afraid that my compassion will get in the way of being the unbiased observer. I don't want to observe and keep my mouth shut about things I don't agree with, and therefore I just don't think that I would make a good anthropologist. I wish I would've figured this out a last year.

Regarding French - well I was never really that good at it. I still study in my free time and am going to start reading some French short stories to keep myself in the now, but I can't like anymore. I sucked with Les Francais. I am still more comfortable speaking Spanish than French.

Nevermore, cried the Raven....

At least I'm still practicing.

So, basically, I am just saying...I have no clue what I am going to do for the rest of my life....and right now I'm okay with that.

Which leads us up to my next number.....

2. I went to a dance party on top of a roof of this bar that my friends and I frequent and I met this really cute tall skinny boy who had great moves....

and ....

I fell in L-O-V-E.

Yup, I am now in a relationship and couldn't be happier. I am the Charlotte of the group, and I swear if he ever breaks up with me....

I'll find him.

:)

3. I've been working on my physical and mental fitness and man does it feel good. I am going to try and keep many updates of this bullet point on here as possible. I have signed up with a debt consolidator to get rid of my nasty credit card/doctors bill, and have been going to a workout class three days a week.

I'm getting ripped yo.

Also, I am buying a Schwinn. A sundress. And a derby day hat.

I'm pretty excited.

xx

brit.

It's about time to start planning another great escape.

It's time to get away from the ordinary only to want to be surrounded by it again. Edith Wharton said (and I quote quite loosely here), " Americans are just as ready to leave an event as they are to arrive to it."

What part of our nature/nurture brought us to this? I hate to admit that I feel the same way at times. You know its true. After a week or two of magical black sand beaches, or cold Parisian streets....it's time to come home again.

Nothing beats finding a cat asleep in your dresser, and your turtle napping on a lily pad.

Maybe the excitement builds up and up and UPPPP, only to let us down. That's just life though. Fuck.

I get wayyyy to excited.

These are the things that I want to escape from (I know you didn't forget that I enjoy lists):

The ever impending doom that is my future.
Falling in and out of things.
Watching things fall apart around me and having no idea what to do.
Making huge decisions regarding my education.
Working 14 shifts in 8 days.
Internet.
Cell Phones.
Cold Weather.
Closed toed shoes.

I think you know where I am going with this....
It's about time for Costa.

Maybe not forever, but at least for a little while.

And hey, I would love to hold your hand and walk to a Soda with you. Stella and Samson can come as well. It will be lovely.

It's getting colder outside. Something I don't really like. In fact I hate it. I love waking up and knowing I can go outside scantily clad and sit on my porch swing.

Damn you Jack Frost!

I don't really have much to say except I am happy, and I am coming to terms with my own existence, but not my inability to spell.

I am working a lot, but still have no monies. We're in a recession and I fear that my generation is finally starting to feel it.

A small stack of singles from a hard double shift....I am a Cory Branan song,

But I am happier than I have been in a long while.

xx
brit.

I will never throw you away, but I might make you wish I did.

I have a really hard time letting go of things. This is not a generalization.

I am not trying to be coy or cute. I really do have a hard time letting go. This is why I am 24 years old and can't sleep without a teddy bear that I have had since I was 5, and the reason that I have journals from when I was in the 5th grade, and the reason my closet it full of clothes that I can't wear/or will never wear again because I have now realized they are kinda ridiculous, or the reason that I never EVER break up with a boy/man, but start....oh, what's the word?

Not shunning - although it is kind of like that. Not singling out their faults...that word where you....shun them, single out their faults, and their turn your heart to stone....shit, I have no clue what word that would be...bitch, maybe?

Back to the point. This week I think I will practice out with the old and in with the new. I am not sure really how I am going to go about it since I genuinely love the old, and am terrified of new things until I actually encounter them. Then I never want to let go. EVER. FOREVER.

Here are a list of old things that I need:
Speakers for my new/old record player.
Records to listen to.
My grandparents to visit. (hahah....ageism is always funny).
Also, I would enjoy some good old fashioned hand holding and maybe a few Eskimo kisses whilst watching a film.

Here are a list of new things that I need:
Money to pay my new bills.
An extra hour in the day so I can go to the gym.
A mouth protector thingy (I fear that I am going to grind me teeth to powder).
Season Two of True Blood
A GRE study guide.
And a new bigger place to live.

If anyone could help me out with this - an eternity of gratefulness is owed to you,
but I am not cleaning out my closet...

Who knows? One day I could be a size ten again and need a plethora of Abercrombie and Fitch denim mini-skirts.

shut your mouth....and open your eyes.

There are times in my life when I wish that I was a little stronger, a little better at seeing through things as opposed to gazing at them with eyes full of wonder.

I remember when I went to Paris, France. I was 21 years old, and in complete disarray. This remembrance is focused on my trip to the Louvre. Le Louvre is intense. It is huge. It cannot be properly appreciated in 1 day. Because of this, my friend Liz and I each picked out a personal favorite, the Mona Lisa ( I mean it was DaVinci for Christ sake) and a room. My personal choice was "The Raft of The Medusa" by Gericault.

The painting is the autobiography for people lost and not searced for. It is real. it was a political outcry for reform. Research it. Learn about it.



This painting was/is everything I could ask for in a piece of art. It is historical, beautiful, symbolic, and factual. It was something I didn't expect...HUGE! It was so much more than I expected!! The "Mona Lisa" was comparable to a piece of copy paper, but this took up an entire wall. I stared, mesmerized, until my time passed.

This "mesmirization" is my down fall. I find things and love them. I want to care for them, and make their world as beautiful as I see mine. I want you to soak up all that I see, and take advantage of the right things. I want you to understand why I think you are beautiful, brilliant, charming, and mesmerizing to me.

LOOK AT THE PAINTING. It is full of despair, longing, famine, and death. Why would I want you to think it is lovely? Why would I want you to understand why I think it is?

Simply said, I want you to look deeper than the paint on the canvas. I want you to see that it is real. It is suffering. It is survival. It is the lives being lead, and the lives we will lead. It is a person reaching out for the people that surround him - being a voice for those that won't be heard.

It is someone who cares, loves, and becomes mesmerized.




It is understanding, and compromise.

I want someone to understand my perspective, and know that I don't care if we agree. I want you to look at it from the outside in and the inside out. Don't take adavantage of it.

Look at it.
Appreciate it.
Understand it without judging.

When this happens...
Maybe we could all feel better in the morning.


xx.
brit.