It's about time to start planning another great escape.

It's time to get away from the ordinary only to want to be surrounded by it again. Edith Wharton said (and I quote quite loosely here), " Americans are just as ready to leave an event as they are to arrive to it."

What part of our nature/nurture brought us to this? I hate to admit that I feel the same way at times. You know its true. After a week or two of magical black sand beaches, or cold Parisian streets....it's time to come home again.

Nothing beats finding a cat asleep in your dresser, and your turtle napping on a lily pad.

Maybe the excitement builds up and up and UPPPP, only to let us down. That's just life though. Fuck.

I get wayyyy to excited.

These are the things that I want to escape from (I know you didn't forget that I enjoy lists):

The ever impending doom that is my future.
Falling in and out of things.
Watching things fall apart around me and having no idea what to do.
Making huge decisions regarding my education.
Working 14 shifts in 8 days.
Internet.
Cell Phones.
Cold Weather.
Closed toed shoes.

I think you know where I am going with this....
It's about time for Costa.

Maybe not forever, but at least for a little while.

And hey, I would love to hold your hand and walk to a Soda with you. Stella and Samson can come as well. It will be lovely.

It's getting colder outside. Something I don't really like. In fact I hate it. I love waking up and knowing I can go outside scantily clad and sit on my porch swing.

Damn you Jack Frost!

I don't really have much to say except I am happy, and I am coming to terms with my own existence, but not my inability to spell.

I am working a lot, but still have no monies. We're in a recession and I fear that my generation is finally starting to feel it.

A small stack of singles from a hard double shift....I am a Cory Branan song,

But I am happier than I have been in a long while.

xx
brit.

I will never throw you away, but I might make you wish I did.

I have a really hard time letting go of things. This is not a generalization.

I am not trying to be coy or cute. I really do have a hard time letting go. This is why I am 24 years old and can't sleep without a teddy bear that I have had since I was 5, and the reason that I have journals from when I was in the 5th grade, and the reason my closet it full of clothes that I can't wear/or will never wear again because I have now realized they are kinda ridiculous, or the reason that I never EVER break up with a boy/man, but start....oh, what's the word?

Not shunning - although it is kind of like that. Not singling out their faults...that word where you....shun them, single out their faults, and their turn your heart to stone....shit, I have no clue what word that would be...bitch, maybe?

Back to the point. This week I think I will practice out with the old and in with the new. I am not sure really how I am going to go about it since I genuinely love the old, and am terrified of new things until I actually encounter them. Then I never want to let go. EVER. FOREVER.

Here are a list of old things that I need:
Speakers for my new/old record player.
Records to listen to.
My grandparents to visit. (hahah....ageism is always funny).
Also, I would enjoy some good old fashioned hand holding and maybe a few Eskimo kisses whilst watching a film.

Here are a list of new things that I need:
Money to pay my new bills.
An extra hour in the day so I can go to the gym.
A mouth protector thingy (I fear that I am going to grind me teeth to powder).
Season Two of True Blood
A GRE study guide.
And a new bigger place to live.

If anyone could help me out with this - an eternity of gratefulness is owed to you,
but I am not cleaning out my closet...

Who knows? One day I could be a size ten again and need a plethora of Abercrombie and Fitch denim mini-skirts.

shut your mouth....and open your eyes.

There are times in my life when I wish that I was a little stronger, a little better at seeing through things as opposed to gazing at them with eyes full of wonder.

I remember when I went to Paris, France. I was 21 years old, and in complete disarray. This remembrance is focused on my trip to the Louvre. Le Louvre is intense. It is huge. It cannot be properly appreciated in 1 day. Because of this, my friend Liz and I each picked out a personal favorite, the Mona Lisa ( I mean it was DaVinci for Christ sake) and a room. My personal choice was "The Raft of The Medusa" by Gericault.

The painting is the autobiography for people lost and not searced for. It is real. it was a political outcry for reform. Research it. Learn about it.



This painting was/is everything I could ask for in a piece of art. It is historical, beautiful, symbolic, and factual. It was something I didn't expect...HUGE! It was so much more than I expected!! The "Mona Lisa" was comparable to a piece of copy paper, but this took up an entire wall. I stared, mesmerized, until my time passed.

This "mesmirization" is my down fall. I find things and love them. I want to care for them, and make their world as beautiful as I see mine. I want you to soak up all that I see, and take advantage of the right things. I want you to understand why I think you are beautiful, brilliant, charming, and mesmerizing to me.

LOOK AT THE PAINTING. It is full of despair, longing, famine, and death. Why would I want you to think it is lovely? Why would I want you to understand why I think it is?

Simply said, I want you to look deeper than the paint on the canvas. I want you to see that it is real. It is suffering. It is survival. It is the lives being lead, and the lives we will lead. It is a person reaching out for the people that surround him - being a voice for those that won't be heard.

It is someone who cares, loves, and becomes mesmerized.




It is understanding, and compromise.

I want someone to understand my perspective, and know that I don't care if we agree. I want you to look at it from the outside in and the inside out. Don't take adavantage of it.

Look at it.
Appreciate it.
Understand it without judging.

When this happens...
Maybe we could all feel better in the morning.


xx.
brit.

i betchya i can....or at least i'll try

I haven't been posting much...
My computer is jacked. Technology repels me.
I have been working non-stop since my 24th birthday...(which was amazing by the way), and haven't made the time until tonight to attempt to fix the problem. The problem still isn't fixed but for now I can blog my heart out and catch up on my hulu subscriptions.

Lame, Yes. Do I care? No.

There is this bar in my town, and if you are from Little Rock and are in any way aware of your surroundings you know it. It goes by the name Pizza D'Action, and well I love that place. The people there treat you like family not a $1 tip, they music is great, and you will always find someone to talk to (sanity not guranteed).

Well The D had some technical difficulties that have since been repaired, and my friends and I all celebrated at our much missed huge table (it spans the length of the bar), played dominoes, and drank. Followed by a few house visits and the Midtown closedown....

Why tell you about my mundane night, you ask? It wasn't so much the night of mayhem, but the realization that followed....I DRINK TO MUCH!

My name is Britany Simmons and I drink to DAMN MUCH! I gurantee you that the majority of my money is spent on bills and booze...that isn't a combo I am proud of. So I am challenging myself....No going out and getting trashed for a month. No drinking period. I can't stop once I start. One glass of wine with dinner and I am down for the count.

So I am going to still go out and see my shows, and still go kick Mark's butt at Dominoes, and still sit on the patio with Bendy and Katie and still have a cup in my hand...but I am gonna make it wat-ah!

Oh and hey....I really think I can do it. Saturday night at The Tavern will be the test, as I plan on dancing wildly with my ladies and smiling a lot...

More tomorrow as my computer works. I have much to tell you.

xx
brit.

walnut? peanut? hazlenut?

I was browsing through Facebook and saw someone's tagline that said, "Don't pity me, I am exactly who I wanted to be." (or something to that effect)....I could say the same for myself.
Everyone has dreams and goals. Mine may not match yours and yours may not match the Jonas' brothers, but we have them just the same. I have struggled for a very long time with my family, my friends, my teachers, and myself to decide just exactly what is it that I want to do.

In a nutshell this is it:
1. Surround myself with beautiful sounds. Mainly the sounds of foreign language and music. I want to soak in them until they become a part of me. Maybe not French and maybe not Spanish. Perhaps I will learn the language of a native tribe in Africa, or Guatemala, maybe I will finally take on the challenge that is Arabic, or maybe I will just enhance my obvious love of the romance languages. Who knows? Not you, or me. Don't judge. Just love.

2. Travel. I have been to a few places, learned many things, and see even more. This isn't the end of my adventures, but just the start. I don't know that I agree with the phrase, "Live like you are dying." I have been doing it for 23 years, and all I have felt is rushed and old. Pura Vida is a better motto, I think. Let's just live a pure, simple life, and do what puts a smile in your heart.

3.GRE. Please GOD CAN I HAVE A STUDY PARTNER? I have begun prepping for the GRE. I am terrified!! I can't even put into words how scary it is....more to follow.

4. Fall in love....and all the obvious consequences. I would like to fall in love again even if it means I will just fall right back out. It has been to long and I think my heart might explode because of all the love waiting to pour out of it.

That's it. It isn't much, and it might not be what you thought I wanted. Maybe some of it is to vague. I didn't list places, or people, or definites. I am done with definites. I am sailing my own course, sorry if our paths don't cross.

xx
brit.

The Great Escape/Experiment

It has been brought to my attention that vacations are not only escapes, but experiments.

You run off to a place that is considered paradise....and you are tested. The quality of friendships, the personalities of the people you surround yourself with, or your own personal strengths and weaknesses.

I have realized much that I won't post in a blog...because blogs mean the whole world can read it. I don't need everyone to see my open books. Some are best left close.

Lesson learned...

For me, this trip to Puerto Viejo has tested all of these things. I am not always attacking life with my eyes wide open. I do not always remember to look all around me instead of straight in front...

Now. Now, I feel like I will remember to do it always. People aren't always what they seem, you aren't always who you think, and paradise doesn't have to be in a tropical destination.

One of the best things in the world, in my opinion, is waking up to a bright sunshine and waves crashing onto a black sand beach. Another great thing is realizing that you don't have to do it with anyone.

More to follow.
Pura Vida.
Always,
brit.

Paradise is...

Puerto Viejo, Costa Rica.

Black Sand beaches.

Bike rides to Punta Uva.

Empanadas for 500 colones.

Costa Rican snow cones.

More to come........

I live this quote.

"I've realized that they'll be able to look at an old picture of me and be able to tell when and how I died, but that won't bother me so much as long as they also know, how wildly my heart would flitter beneath my shirt and how I would not tame nor allow tamed the dreamer inside. Finally, I want to tell you one of the reasons that I came here. To tell you to smile and be beautiful, to allow longing stares to be abbreviated things. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE. Don't be so diligent to holdd things that your hands are able to grip. Place a smile into the hearts of others and you life into theirs. Even though they may hold on for a moment in life, they could never hold a life as big, beautiful, and wild as your own, else they might never let it go. "


I love this quote. It is from some liner notes. Liner notes from a recording artist who calls Fayetteville, AR home. Liner notes from Benjamin Del Shreve. I know many of my friends consider him a pompous ass, but everytime I read this (daily), I can't agree. It is brilliant and charming. It describes everything that I want my life to be.

We don't have to try to impress. You already do. Embracing everything about yourself is the key to happiness, and probably one of the hardest things to accomplish in life.

Love yourself.

Love your friends.

Love your family.

Love your accomplishments, dreams, desires, and fears.

Allow everything that happens to you make a positive impact.

Love you as much as I love you.

Always and forever,

brit.

5 things Costa Rica will do for me.

1. Conquer my fear of heights. There are about a million ziplines in Costa Rica. They are called canopy tours. You go to the top of the rainforest, entrust your life to a belay, and zip line through the jungle. Sometimes you go over rivers, or sometimes canyons. I am terrified of heights, and always have been. As soon as I get up there I am going to cry my eyes out. I am going to cry the entire time, but I will finish, and then I will want to do it again. Such is the nature of a Britany.

2. Make me re-learn Spanish. I was a Spanish minor through a lot of my collegiate career. I decided that I hated the language mainly out of disdain for conjugating verbs. I stuck with French, and never looks back.

Hello Spanish speakers, don't mind if I do.

3. Take photographs. Be prepared....Facebook is going to be filled with them. I predict at least 2500 pictures of Anna will be on Facebook by the end of the trip.

4. Perfect my math skills. They use colones in Costa Rica. Time to start converting currency!

5. Learn how to live without an appendage (aka my iPhone). I am not taking a phone to Costa. I am cutting myself off. This is my break from reality. I am sorry if something important happens to one of my friends.

Bendy - If you fall down at a bar, I am sorry, you will not be able to call me.
Stefanie - If you complete that entire book of crossword puzzles, I am sorry, you will not be able to call me.
Anna - We will be together if you are pooping just yell at me from across the hall.
Hannah - We will be together, don't dance on the bar.

Short list. Great time. Can't wait.

Love,
brit.

independence is such a bitch

So here it is - blog #1 not on Myspace.

I have been attempting to learn how to love being alone for the past year. Since my boyfriend and I broke up last March I had all these pieces I had to put back together. It was one hell of a puzzle, but with the help of some good friends, good places, good drinks, and good music I feel like I am where I wanna be.....

Then last night, as I am drunkingly roaming from bar to bar, I realize that being comfortable in this spot may be comfortable, but it is also scary as all hell. I enjoy my time alone, but I am afraid of how comfortable I am with it. I don't feel like I need anyone. I don't need to put myself out there, and get my feelings hurt. I don't need to worry constantly about little things. Then I start thinking about how boring my life will be without all of them. Now that I have figured out that being myself is wonderful, I start to think that maybe I want to be part of something greater, but I am terrified.

Please bear with me. Sometimes I get confused, or distracted, and don't think about what is going on. I am trying to take things at face value and that slows things down a bit. It is always more fun to believe the fantasy you have cooked up in your head than what is really going on.

I ramble sometimes......

I am a COMMITMENTPHOBE. It's official.

I had a dream that this boy I like told me he was falling in love with me. I don't remember much about it except that I woke myself up shaking my head no. Maybe I wasn't dreaming, maybe it really happened. I have no clue, but that isn't the important part - my reaction is. I am terrified of being in a relationship - a real one. Not the kind where you go out for drinks all the time, and occasionally sleep together, or maybe watch a movie. I am terrified of a real one - where you open up to another person, and you take their secrets and fears and make them your own. To fall in love with someone and be scared for you, them, the future, making things "ours".

Not everything I write will be about relationships, or me, or you, but this thought has been dominating my mind for the past two days.

Thank you vodka for opening my eyes.

Love always,
brit.